When Jamie and I discussed a blog, it came together relatively quickly. I’ve written before that I was going to lean into the doctor side of living a healthy life and yet I think I’ve written more non health related blogs. Health in my opinion has broadened to finding joy and peace among the chaos. That doesn’t necessarily mean for Vitamin D etc. However, for me, this year has shown me that getting my physical health in check has opened doors of deeper spiritual and emotional health than previous experienced.
To catch all of you up to speed, I was told I was headed into a full blown autoimmune disorder in June 2018. Coincidentally this happened to be a very stressful time with more responsibility, uncertainty and expectation in my life. Ask anyone and they will tell you I can rise to any occasion and make it happen. Based on my blood work, my body was sharing a different view. I often prayed at lunch that with God’s grace and mercy, I would prioritize my health over everything. For a go getter like me that meant relying on him, in what I don’t see but what I know. 1 Corinthians 10:13 reads “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. “
I was going to over burden myself as a way to combat the tiredness, uncertainty and fear that 2018 brought. Luckily God is ever present and quickly resolved me to trusting in what I know about his love and faithfulness and not what I see. I had been relying on what I had seen. For all logical reasons it looked bleak, scary with no chance of resolution. The gap of where I was and where I saw myself being was so large that I knew God would be the only one who could open doors that otherwise would humanly remained closed.
2019 was a year of rest. I took a 10 month hiatus from the gym (movement in life is imperative, pushing beyond your limits does not create health). I committed to walking and sleeping. I was going to live in the space as long as it took to feel whole, feel God’s grace and feeling enough in the moment. As of this blog post, I am back at the gym (conservatively), I am more than ever connected to the word of God and currently am existing in the most uncomfortable part of personal growth I have ever experienced.
If no one has told you recently, growth feels uncomfortable and awkward. On the days of true discomfort, it gives me great relief to know I can go back to the things and thoughts that make me feel safe. However, trust that the sense of safety of old ways and behaviors is false. Trusting in God’s goodness for your life allows for peace in the unknown. As I write this, my mind is in turmoil but I can sit with it because I know all is right with God. I can lean into the discomfort, anguish and uncertainty with absolutely trust that His will wins over my brain’s inability to see the unseen.
You are probably wondering where my immense gains came from this year? I will tell you it came from doing less and trusting more. The way our brains (my brain) are wired, I could take myself out of anything. Mindset and leaning into the bible have brought me from self to gratitude that he brought me into being for a purpose.
5 Matthew 13-16 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.“
I was making myself sick by taking the world on myself instead on relying on God and knowing his promises. Although definitely far from perfect, it is amazing how many people comment on my overall essence. My hair isn’t more quaffed, my physical appearance is no different but people notice I am different. I am different. I find rest in his promises, peace in the chaos and sadness because I know of his promises and can trust that over what I see. Keep leaning, praying and trusting. Your time is coming. 2020 should bring even more awareness! Bring it on!
As an edit, with my dedication to his Word, my commitment to making better choices on stress and anxiety- I am happy to report that the chaos inside my body is resolving. You have much more control over your well being than you are led to believe. Follow my lead and seek the help of those who can help you do that. Greatness comes from knowledge and surrounding yourself with the right mindset people.
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