What Happens when your significant other isn’t on board with your decisions on importance of health for you and your family……
You picked your significant other over everyone else for reasons that will vary from couple to couple. Some people go into a relationship with high value on taking good care of oneself, some go into a relationship and transition into valuing it more and some fall in varying shades of gray around it. I find that patients who are taking active steps toward building into their health have the most difficulty when they have a spouse who currently focuses on work and responsibilities. In our office, I encourage family health– about 50% of my couples see me at a team (usually including their children) but some spouses, can be male or female, are flying solo with their current level of intent with health. For example, what happens if physical exercise is important to one and the other wants to watch Tv and relax. Here are my top ways to feel connected, feel supported and do your own thing regardless!
- Having someone’s support doesn’t mean they are standing side by side as you lunge, squat and run… It means they don’t discourage you from keeping to your commitments- We can fantasize in our head after watching youtube videos of couples killing it at the gym together- in most circumstances it is unrealistic and counterproductive…
- Eating healthy is just as complicated but also so simple…. Prepare one meal at each sitting and be done with it! I find making a base of quinoa or veggie stir fry and letting people personalize it works best… I don’t keep junk food in my house. I know my limits with self-control and it gives us an opportunity to “treat” ourselves when we do it as a group (and I have to put shoes on and leave my house). I have my own opinions about what is considered health but please develop a list of foods that nourish you family and stick with it- we are either heading towards better health or away from it! I’ll let you guess what direction Cheetos takes you in.. (Future blogs will include my favorite healthy foods but for now stick with good fats like nuts and avocadoes and good protein sources like eggs) -Assuming no allergies
- Wanting a significant other to take better care of themselves is different than trying to control what they do… You don’t want your spouse to resent you… Leave it up to a professional to help steer the ship and be patient with the process. Most people don’t take better care of themselves because people tell them that it is what it is. It is never what it is! They need someone to help them feel better and to guide them that is not family… We start with Chiropractic care and watch the magic happen- You want a professional to help them, you as the significant other will be seen as a nag! Nobody feels loved by being nagged…
- Wanting someone to be healthier to have more quality time with them is key! Focusing on physical attributes like weight, clothes size and what they look like in pictures is considered badgering and so unhealthy! We must help people focus on how they feel and work through that and encourage they to temporarily ditch the scale. It rarely is as simple as eating healthier and working out more. My women often have hormone imbalances from high expectation days and my men often time are poorly detoxing which throws off their testosterone. We live in a world of performing and wanting validation from others. We must go deep and get to the root cause of why someone is unhealthy. I see this a lot with my couples that are having a hard time getting pregnant. We forget how much forcing, pressure, stress and needing more are keeping us from truly walking into a wellness model
- Our health fluctuates.. sometimes you must pull out of your health bank and hopefully more times than not you are investing into it. I recommend incorporating 3 things in your week that regardless of how you feel you do. For me (right now) it is getting adjusted, walking Finn and taking my supplements. I’ve been in a period of rest and restoration. I’m hoping to move into more strength training, water skiing and getting adjusted as my 3. Without judging yourself, pick your 3. They can be big or small… more water, more sleep, more gratitude, less TV, more sex, less sex, more honesty about how I’m feeling, taking a nap, eating less sugar… you get the idea… Your 3 and your spouses 3 don’t have to be the same… Remember, what I need may be different than what you need… We are on a sliding scale- always changing!
- Please don’t define your health by pain or no pain and how you look! Although healthy people usually have a reasonable weight and don’t have pain- it is a slippery slope when you rely solely on pain as a gauge. Health is not an on off switch. Lead by example in your household and show your significant other that taking care of yourself can be straightforward. Buy healthier food options, suggest fun activities that require you to move. Finding ways to enhance your relationship while getting healthier is always the biggest win!
- What happens if health decisions regarding your children becomes a stress point? In our society, women usually are responsible for day to day health decisions of children but sometimes spouses differ in opinion. Again, my women who are making the next right decision for their families are coming from a place of doing the best with what they have. Playing sports, decisions of what to do with a sick children and medication usage are just a few that we must work through at the office. Your spouse needs to know you trust their decision-making ability. Your partner also has a responsibility to see your perspective. Help your partner see how you came to your decision based on research and facts. Facebook posts and fear on the news do not count as useful sources. If you need resources for topics you are struggling to agree one, I will find some for you! Take the time to usefully listen to your spouses concerns without the urge to respond and defend. Remember you chose your spouse for a reason! Give them some credit and an opportunity to help give you a new perspective.
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