Is it ever really possible to eliminate the noise and truly live in the moment? With or without children this seems like an impossible feat. Our world is consumed this idea of FOMO (fear of missing out), we are constantly connected to our devices whether it’s looking to see what others are doing, checking work or personal email, snapchatting or recording an Instagram live video. I believe as a society we are addicted to full schedule, a booming calendar that just yells and screams at us that there is not nearly enough time to complete it all. I didn’t realize how addicted I was to this full schedule life or to my devices until I left my job and became a SAHM full time. In the beginning I was constantly checking my phone and calendar as I had been when I was working, except no one was trying to get a hold of me! I was finally free from the constant device rat race, or was I?
During that first summer home with my children my mother gifted me the book “Hands Free Mama, A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to do list, and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters!” By Rachel Macy Stafford. I knew I would love this book not only by the title but by the note my mother left in the cover. “To Jamie, With love, Mom xoxo” “P.S. I read one page and was in tears, good tears…..enjoy” This book couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for me as I had just began staying home with my children, to soak them up, to live in the moment, not be tied to a schedule, yet I found myself tied to all my phone and planning my days. I was finally free from demands and yet I was recreating them in my life by keeping a packed schedule and attempting to stay connected (just not always in person).
Rachel lays out a simple plan to set down those devices, open those calendars, only say yes when it feels right and soak up life. Here I was home with a 3-year-old and 2-year-old and yet I wasn’t soaking them up. I am not sure that many of us realize how disconnected we’ve become by trying to stay connected. Our parents and grandparents were not bombarded with social media, travel sports teams, screaming calendars and yet, at least mine, seemed to have very meaningful relationships and friendships. It seems like the more our technology grows the less our relationships grow. Much like Rachel, I was tired of losing track of what matters most to me in my life, my husband and children. And not to mention, how long would I have home with them with no outside work distraction. I wanted to be more intentional! Consistency in being intentional is a daily choice. The more I practice it, the easier it becomes! If you pay attention, you’ll be surprised how much it starts to catch on with other people.
Rachel’s plan is simple, look at what matters and set up your life from there! She talks about being aware, deliberate, connected, present. She also brings up the importance of simplification, this was not easy for me as nothing in my life at that moment seemed simple. I had two children under 3, potty training and getting them to sleep in “big beds” and I was personally training for a half marathon. But I was determined to be grateful in these moments and to present and aware of what was happening in my family. At the moment I committed to eliminating distractions and perfection! That first summer was not easy, its hard to give up to do lists and perfection, at least for me it was! I had to really shift my thinking from having a perfect home, one that’s dusted and vacuumed daily to one that’s a little less neat and a lot more fun. I focused on creating moments with the kids that would last and not focusing on things I had focused on in the past. I had playdates when my house was a disaster, I invited people over when I had very little to offer and what I found was everyone had a great time! Nothing was perfect and yet at the same time everything was perfect.
I will never forget having a playdate at our house and the child who was over said, “we never have play dates at our house” and the mom said “I won’t have anyone over until………. some remodeling project happens.” I remember thinking to myself, what is she thinking about my house, I barely have things hung up on walls, paint that’s old and not the perfection I had imagined when I dreamed about hosting playdates. The kids continued playing and as they were leaving the child said, “this was the best day ever” and it made me think……it really was. The kids got to play and enjoy each other’s company and I got some great time with another mom. I remember feeling so thankful for that moment of imperfection, that memory. Had I continued my focus on having everything perfect we would never have guests, fellowship or playdates. People say they want to have everything perfect but what they are really striving for it the feeling of being accepted rather than judged. Go figure the only way to being more accepted is to accept yourself first. Being intentional with people you are in front of makes them feel so loved and appreciated that they are focused on what matters. Choosing to be enough starts inside each of us… Being enough allows for circumstances in your life to change and have those most important to you still love and support you. What happens if someone loses a job? Or someone gets sick? If you place unrealistic expectations of perfection, it leaves no room for someone to love you because of who you are, instead they love you for the particular circumstances you currently are in.
I still find it difficult to truly eliminate all the noise and be as present as possible, especially as the older two are now in school and the demands are beginning to increase. I work hard and deliberate to ensure that our calendar fits our lives and that I am spending my time with and without my children wisely.
One of the things I love most about Jamie is her consistency with the things her children love to do. I think consistency with kids is super important and it comes from a place of continuously creating that space for them to grow and thrive. Women giving themselves permission to be consistent with something that makes them feel more whole is a good place to start. Do for yourself- whatever that looks like. I don’t want to hijack this blog post but I had a patient who said I was just starting to feel bad mentally and physically. She said, “I thought to myself what is something I do that makes me feel good?” She went on to say, “Getting adjusted always makes me feel better, so here I am”. Hair cut, gym time, nap, getting adjusted, park time, snuggle time with your kids… You get to decide, but embrace it and go with it.
Time will not stop waiting for you to have the perfection you desire. I have found that the perfect moments come at the most imperfect time! I go back to my parents and grandparents and think about how much more entertaining and impromptu drop ins they welcomed. They seemed to love when anyone came by for a visit. So put down those devices, clear the calendars and truly soak up your life!