Just last night I read an article that more than 1/3 of millennials are still dependent on their parents not only for a place to live but financially dependent . You could picture my facial expression when I read that stat. What is causing this? I know that many of you would argue with me that this has something to do with student debt, cost of living, blah blah blah. I would not argue with you that graduating from college and starting your “own” life has certainly changed over the years. However I would argue that parenting and creating responsibilities for our children has changed even more. We can’t even find a kid in our neighborhood that is willing to help with yard work for cash. If you are like me you are asking yourself what I do now to ensure that my children will be self-sustaining adults.
For me I think it’s simple, we just need to get back to the basics, teach our kids what our parents taught us, that life is full of responsibility. Sadly, this might even mean not bailing them out of every single situation; they just might need to handle things on their own.
I also believe that this starts young, like before school starts. As a mom who just had her first kindergarten graduate I can tell you that the teachers will not be doing any babying of your baby! Below are the top 7 things I try to do each day to instill a sense of responsibility in my three children. I don’t do this because I want them to feel some sort of punishment or burden; I do this so that they feel like active, responsible and mature members of my family.
Make your children owners of their belongings – for me this first one is simple. Mom cannot possibly keep track of everyone’s things. I have tried to create organization for my family that enables them to find what they are looking for when they need it – this includes my husband’s wallet and keys LOL! Everything in our house has a home and if it goes back to its home then it can be found when needed. Don’t mistake this organization for perfection because that is so far from the truth, I have a 6 year old, 5 year old and 2 year old. I am simply setting the groundwork, not looking to achieve cleanliness or perfection.
Allow them to help in decision making – I am a firm believer that if you allow your children to help make decisions that they will learn what a good decision is and what a bad decision is. This does not mean that mine are running our household; it just simply means that they can chose things within reason. At this tender age I am hoping to show them that they have the ability to make good decisions and that when they don’t that its ok. I don’t want them leaving the nest afraid to make every day decisions.
Set up a routine that will allow them to thrive– I remember learning early on that it’s not always a good decision to take a tired, cranky child to the grocery store. For me this only happened once since it was such a negative experience for both Olivia and I. I do my very best to set a schedule and routine that works for my children. This means that many times we have to say no to things that we might really want to do so that my children get a good night’s sleep, as I know how important that is not only for their bodies but for their behavior. Teaching that NO is an acceptable answer is also important as we can’t possibly say yes to everything in life. If I set my three up for success as often as possible then they don’t have such a hard time getting their “must dos” done!
Create age appropriate responsibilities – children want to feel like they are a part of something, especially a part of the family and a family has responsibilities. Setting chores or “must dos” is an important component to teaching life lessons. Laundry and dishes don’t just get done by fairies, although that would be nice. At this point for us it’s as simple as being responsible for making sure all dirty clothes are right side out in the laundry basket, making beds in the morning, setting and clearing the table, dusting and sometimes vacuuming. I have found that instead of resisting helping that they actually want to help more and more! We are not currently giving an allowance for any chores but I do see that evolving as we begin to teach our children about the value of money.
Rewarding positive behavior – as I said above we aren’t currently giving out an allowance that doesn’t mean we aren’t rewarding our children for completing tasks. We have found ways that they respond to as a means of rewarding positive behavior. Ours love special treats like ice cream night or popcorn with a movie, they also love putting magnets on the chore chart when things are complete. Find what works for your children, reward them and stay consistent. Consistency is the key component for all of this!
This is not about raising the perfect kids or having the perfect family, as mine is far from it. The goal is to raise our children to be gracious, functioning members of society who will someday be off our payroll!