Dr. Sara: If this is the first time you are hearing about self-care, let same say it again… GET YOURSELF some self-care! That may or may not include getting your nails done or going shopping, but also know it can include things that help keep you grounded and whole as a person. I liken our wholeness as people as a bank.. We sometimes put into our health bank and sometimes we have to pull from our health bank. You can’t pull from a $0 balance health bank. Proactive wellness and care require some introspection. What makes me feel alive? What makes me feel appreciated? What makes me feel grounded? How do I heal broken parts of me?
You are probably thinking… but you don’t understand.. I’m a mom, I’m a … I’m a … and I’ve got this situation… That’s one of the reasons this is so important! If we all shared our stories, we probably wouldn’t believe that these well meaning and kind people are thriving through so much strife. May I give you permission to take care of yourself… Give yourself permission to rise above the urge to settle for less than you deserve… Magical things start to happen!!
Disclaimer: If you are feeling sad, overwhelmed, far from where you see yourself—do not despair! The only reason I can honestly share my best advice and openly share is because I have been there, and I have dug myself out… We are hoping to help be some sunshine and a resource for you to trust!
1. Sleep – 100% of research shows that getting adequate sleep is a non negotiable. We use our sleep time as a bargaining chip to get other stuff done. I would add that consistent sleep is a good first step. Our bodies do so much better on consistanecy. Try and set a bedtime everyone night and make it a priority to stick to it. If you know that getting more sleep isn’t in the cards right this second, try for consistency in the meantime. Predictable bedtime, predictable wake up time…. The only time our bodies get a break from our day to day craziness is when we sleep!
I gave up electronics before bed. Screen time affects eye input and can keep you up. Most people have a million things on the brain—I started using the time before bed for a bath, reading or just quiet time
2. Setting boundaries – This is the area I extend myself the most grace. Boundaries for me are tricky because it isn’t just with people you have to work with and around.. this is family, this is friends and with yourself. For people with big hearts, you want to give and serve. Come back to what makes you feel alive! If it is feeling like a chore or you are getting resentful, it is time to take a bird’s eye view and assess why you are doing what you are doing and how you feel about your involvement. I offer an alternative when I have to set boundaries with people I love. A different time, or day or meeting in the middle… I always go into relationships assuming that people do respect me and my time but sometimes it is my responsibility to assert that as well.
3. Consistent Routine – Wake up, breathing exercises (Wim Hof Method), stretches or walk with the dog, shower/breakfast, off to the day…. I want to encourage you to do whatever you want in the morning and before bed but do it consistently.. Up until recently, I had no flow to the day other than when I was at the office or had a meeting. Adding the breathing exercises made a huge difference and building in the continuity helped me not sway my morning decisions based on how I woke up. It became predictable with my routine which set me up for predictable success the rest of the day. Control what you can and detach from the outcome!
4. Activity – Walk, run, stretch, yoga.. you name it, we embrace it! Remember walking and gentle stretching has been my go-to. Women’s hormones fluctuate and stress can dramatically affect how my system functions. Listening to my body has been helpful. I used to attach so much judgment when I didn’t keep to my gym routine (fear of gaining weight, not looking healthy, this is what I should do).. Once I came from a place of self-acceptance I stepped into a new realm of embracing activity as a way of extending myself some grace and not judgment…. It opened the door for listening to my body and knowing it is amazing. Most people argue I look better than I have in years! Not really the goal but keep in mind why you do what you do for activity.
5. Positive Affirmations/Asking for what you want – Having the confidence to ask for what you want and trusting yourself enough to know that it is ok to walk away if your choices aren’t respected is so liberating! I’m no longer married to how people show up for me, I’m only concerned with how I show up!
**********************************************************************
Jamie: Top 5 Things I’m doing today to stay healthy – I must have to admit that I immediately chuckle after typing this title. If you had told me 10 years ago, even 5 years ago that I would be writing a blog I would have laughed, let alone a blog about health. I was fortunate to grow up in a very health conscious home, at the time I didn’t think much of it, I assumed this was the way everyone ate, or slept, or worked out. It wasn’t until I was out into the world that I realized that not everyone grew up as concerned about health and wellness as I did. I was able to watch my father make choices about what he ate, what vitamins he took and how he worked out. He led our family by example, an example of optimal health, he planted many little seeds and those seeds are blossoming in my own family. I have begun to realize that if I skip or miss one of these 5 things then my body begins to not work as well as it usually does, and as a mom of 3 I need my body to be running on all cylinders! At the end of the day I just want to feel good!
The most important thing that my body craves is sleep, which I never get enough of with 3 kids! People would say sleep when the baby sleeps, ok…..but then when does the laundry get done, when do the dishes get cleaned, when do you go to the bathroom or shower? I never slept when the baby slept, maybe I should have but I also had a job and household to run. Before I knew it, I was sleep deprived and exhaustion, running on auto pilot. My body began to wear down, I was getting sick, getting headaches and just overall didn’t feel good. I decided that I had to put myself into the same routine I put my family on. I had to have a bed time and I needed to stick to it. I had to not worry about the laundry, dishes or emails, I had to worry about me! Tomorrow is another day. I now set my phone to remind me at 9:15pm that I have 15 minutes until bed and by 9:30pm I am in bed and ready for sleep. My alarm goes off at 5:30am, and if no one has gotten mom up in the middle of the night, I have gotten 8 hours, which is a rarity, but I am working towards it. My body has responded to this new routine, no more headaches, my immune system began to boost again and slowly my exhaustion is leaving.
The second must do for me is work out! Now this is not always pretty or perfect, in fact I don’t even have a gym membership. I have really had to make working out fit with family’s needs. I have to get my heart rate up and sweat every day even if it’s just for ten minutes. This adjustment was difficult for me as I was used to the idea that if you didn’t spend an hour a day sweating it out in the gym you were accomplishing nothing. After, Olivia was born I began running, this was continued through my second pregnancy and after the birth of Stephen. Running for me was amazing because it was something I could do with or without the kids. I could push them when it was just the three of us or I could leave them home with Mike. Either way it was an opportunity for me to clear my mind, pray, and feel good. But then my third was born……. now what do I do, I can’t possibly push three kids. Soon after Emmanuel, I started to feel a little down, I couldn’t get out for a run as I wanted. I was so thankful when I came across Beachbody on demand. I not only found workouts that I could do at home with three kids 4 but I met a community of women who were working hard to do what I was doing, trying to raise kids and stay sane. If you are not currently doing some form of exercise for you, that you find it, whether you walk, run, find a group class, yoga, Pilates or work out at home. It’s amazing what happens to your physical and mental health when you take a little time to sweat it out! Hippocrates put it best, “If you are in a bad mood go for a walk, if you are still in a bad mood go for another walk”!
The third thing I do to feel good is take vitamins and supplements! We all know that eating a balanced diet is far better for you than not. But who is truly eating a balanced diet, with or without kids its simply impossible to get all the nutrients our bodies need. The struggle is real! Supplements and vitamins are vital especially if you are not eating a balanced diet. Take Vitamin D for example, I would love to say that all the time I spend outside with my children in the sun provides enough Vitamin D for body, but the truth is here in Michigan, we just don’t get enough, especially during the winter months. So, what’s a girl to do but take Vitamin D daily. My vitamin and supplement routine is simple, take my vitamins and make a shake each day! Currently I take the following daily, Vitamin D, a good probiotic (be careful you can be fooled by cheap not so great ones), Omega 3 fatty acid, woman’s multi vitamin along with buffered C. This was a slow process for me, figuring out which vitamins worked best with my body. Thankfully I had Dr Sara to help guide me through what to take, when and how! I have also slowly incorporated other supplements like a daily protein shake. I really like the Garden of Life Protein and Greens mix and I keep it simple by ordering it on my subscribe and save on Amazon. I recently added bone broth powder to these shakes, it helpful that it comes in chocolate favor. Again, I just add it to my subscribe and save order on Amazon. What did my mom do without Amazon? These shakes are so simple because the powder themselves are packed with some awesome goodness, all I do is add a banana and ice and pop it on my Ningxia. It’s a perfect little meal for me on the go!
The fourth thing I do is try to drink a gallon of water a day. This is something that is so hard for me! I have had to try what feels like a million different ways to get the water into my system. I have probably bought every reusable water cup there is on Amazon. I have come to realize that the only thing that works for me is drinking the water with ice, a lemon slice and a straw! There are so many benefits to drinking water daily, it increases brain power and provides energy, promotes healthy weight management and loss, it flushes out toxins, improves your skin, boosts your immune system, prevents headaches, prevents cramps and sprains and it keeps you regular! Who doesn’t want these benefits! Find what works for you and drink your water, your body will thank you!
Lastly, I am very conscious about what I eat. I have gone down the black food hole as I call it. I am a firm believer that our food in this country has drastically changed over the last 20 to 30 years. For this reason, I eat as best as I can to fuel my body. I feed my family as best as I can, we do not follow a specific diet, but we eat a wonderful variety of fruits, vegetables, fermented foods, and protein. We eat REAL FOOD! We also eat fun stuff like chips and brownies, but balance is key! My body craves this balance and I have come realize that my children’s bodies crave this balance as well. Many friends ask me how do you manage this. I start out by saying that its much simpler now for me I’m sure because my children are still young, they don’t have busy schedules and I do my best to meal plan so that I don’t find myself starving looking to eat anything. The food struggle is real! I do my best to set a meal plan for the week, shop for items only that are on that meal plan or items to pack in their lunches and leave the rest at the store. Do your best to find meals that keep you and your cart on the perimeter of the store, this way you are stock full of goodness. I am amazed that with a little excitement from me I can get my littles to eat or try just about anything!
Just remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will these new habits. These are all changes that can take place very slowly and simply as they have for me. Perfection is not the end result; a fulfilled and fueled woman is! Is you are fueling you with what you need you can then pour that back into your partner, your children, your work! Take each step one at a time!